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Battle of Bestbuy
The Battle of Bestbuy was a battle for the super store of Best Buy during the Conquest of Galaxor. It was the greatest battle of the Conquest of Galaxor, and indeed the largest of the entire Third Terrabyte. Major casualties resulted from this battle - including the deaths of the CEO of Microsoft and the CEO Of Bestbuy. On the morning of June 14, 3011, the Dawnless Day began. Galaxor sent forth a large mass of dark, foul fart clouds to cover Bestbuy (Maybe Gamestop as well, though it is never indicated in the thessaurus or the documentary). Galaxor's purpose was to spread fear and uncertainty among his enemies, as well as to aid his army; it was said that dread was one of his greatest weapons. The forces of Galgoria arrived on two fronts: the army of the Lord of the Aimbot came forth from Modern Warfare 2 (through the means of parental transportation), and the other up the street known as 42nd Bellview; mainly the vans of disabled autistics with Foreign gamers. On June14, 3011, the Siege of Bestbuy began, and on the morning of June 15, the Army of Elitists arrived with 6,000 riders of the moped. While this was not enough for a decisive turn of the battle, it held the enemy off until the handicaped vans arrived, carrying, instead of disabled: Casuals and Lulzsec (or the Army of Chan.) Siege of Bestbuy and the Sliding Doors Upon arriving at the store, the Neckbeard sprawled before the greatest of all doors. They quickly put up tents equipment and dug trenches. Wasting almost no time, the siege began, eventually breaching the wall of Bestbuy- Made by lazy mexicans. The water bottles filled with piss and spaghetti of the Galgorians, while not penetrating it, were able to detour customers from entering, upsetting the employees of Bestbuy. The great sliding doors of Bestbuy were not to be underestimated, and after prolonged failure, the Galgorians brought out a massive battering ram, made of PvC Pipe and random bits of metal, the weapon of Galaxor's brother, Conner Benson. A large force of Casuals were sent to lay down in the streets in the northern roads against any possible police intervention. They put feces and their own bodies on the road, enough to halt any charge. The CEO of Bestbuy, who happened to be doing a routine quality check on the store at the time, was distraught, and refused to lead the employees, as he thought the entire store was to be destroyed, and his favorite Manager was doomed to die. He apathetically refused to give any command, saying it was pointless to even try. This resulted in a couple of New Employees commanding the defenders. Thousands of Galgorians and hundreds of Employees and Customers were killed during a prolonged shoot out. Mighty siege towers (Which were made of shopping carts that were lazily taped together) rolled onwards to the walls, but those were mainly a distraction and a test of Bestbuy's strength. The main assault was launched against the Sliding Doors - the only vulnerable point in the store. Thus, the Galgorians began using their PvC Contraption. It was a hundred feet in length, drawn by the Twelve Year Olds and wielded by hordes of large neckbeards . The might of the great weapon was truly shown, as it only took three strikes to obliterate the sliding door. The Galgorian leader entered the store, with all fleeing before him, save the most Senior Employee upon an electric shopping cart. At this exact moment, the sirens of police sounded, forcing the Galaxor to leave to confront this new foe. Arrival of the Police :"Arise, arise, for we are Police Officers! Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter! beards shall be shaken, necks be splintered, a pepper-spray day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Go now, Go now! Go to Bestbuy!" :—A Police Captain giving his speech before the battle Unknown to both Bestbuy and Galgoria, the locals showed the local Police Department, a hidden road covered in dust long ago, and forgotten by all except the local residents of the area. This allowed the Police to circumvent the defenses of the Galgorian on the northern road, and attack the forces of Galgoria from the rear. Due to the dismantling of the sliding doors of Bestbuy, they could not mount a strong defense quickly, and the Police Captain's forces had much trouble trying to overun the northern half of the parking lot. However, after the Twelve Year Olds were forced to go home, they were halted by the appearance of Galaxor. He mortally wounded the Police Captain, who was beaten half to death by Galaxor's electronic lightsaber. At that moment, the Police Sergeant and Officer rode up to face him. Galaxor swung at the Police Sergeant, who managed to block the attack with his baton, which shattered under the electronic lightsaber's force. The Police Sergeant's arm was also shattered upon impact. He fell to the ground, and the Galaxor lifted his electronic lightsaber for a final blow. As he did so, a Police Officer, who was behind him, clubbed him in the back of the leg with his baton. Galaxor, being overweight as he is, didn't feel it and struck a final blow to the Police Sergeant. He then turnt to the Officer and let out a roar and tackled the Officer to the floor, Killing him almost instantly under the weight of Galaxor. After that, the Police continued their assault, while the Employees of Bestbuy launched their own counterattack. Even so, they were outmatched by the Casuals, Crazed Foreigners, and a bunch of pissed off Elitists, as the Police recovered surprisingly quickly from the loss of their commander. As the tide of battle turned against Bestbuy, the Men of the local Police Department saw something even more terrifying- one which made them lose all hope. The short busses of Galgoria had arrived. The Final Stage Neither side knew that Zymechra and Ulysses, with the help of Lulzsec, had vanquished the lot of the Tards aboard the bus. Lulzsec repaid their debt to the Zymechra by driving the tards upon the bus mad, causing them to jump off of the busses and drown in small puddles near by, and their own saliva. After loading the busses with as many allies of Galgoria as possible, they drove north to the battle. Upon arriving, the Police found themselves in a very disadvantageous position, with Lulzsec where (and when) they least expected. The extra reinforcements brought by Zymechra punched a wide salient within the most vulnerable area of the Police, severing the forces nearer to Bestbuy and the ones close to the Parking lot. The Galgorians and the Neckbeards exploited this tactical advantage to the fullest, utterly routing the Police with prolonged neckbeard charges and moped pursuit. The tactical and moral advantage granted by that was effective in turning the battle into a rout of the Bestbuy Host. Most of the Bestbuy-host was slain and the rest fled back toward their home. Corpses of both Neckbeards, Police Officers, and Bestbuy Employees lay in colossal carrion piles while the few stragglers crossed the street to safety. A 100-strong force of angry shoppers with their backs to the nearby street crossing, fought to the last man. While they were utterly wiped out by the numerically superior Armies of the Galgorians, they inflicted considerable casualties among their foes and bought critically important time for their comrades. The battle was over by sunset, with most employees dead and a meager few fleeing. Losses The Employees of Bestbuy and the local Police Force was lost all but completely. Few ever made it to the loal PD, and fewer still survived the Lulzsec forces. However, they only represented a fraction of the forces of the the city, although probably a significant portion of those who were confused and unready. Most important to Galaxor was the loss of his mightiest friend and brother, Ulysses. Although the numbers lost were not incredibly significant to Galaxor, as he could afford to lose many times that of the enemy, the loss of his brother was a devastating blow. The losses of the local Police Force were significant as well. In addition to the lost Captains, it was said by the Police Chief later that not 400 Officers were combat worthy, and the losses in other forces were probably considerable as well. However, despite that, with the newcomers from nearby lands and more arriving by previous orders of the National Gaurd, even with all the losses of the battle and the 7,000 heading for the Galgorian's hideout, bestbuy was estimated to be better defended than before the battle, discounting the loss of the sliding doors.